During the troubling past few weeks, the police have been extremely kind and efficient; I can’t verbalise how relieved and thankful Naomi (my assistant) and I both are… We are in a very privileged position to be operating a registered business in New South Wales, Australia with all the benefits and protection from full decriminalisation of sex work. Here in this state, if we have a local issue, our own police can deal with him, if he’s overseas, his local police would likely be keen to find him and prosecute. Either case, business operators stay under the protection of the law. Our lawyer actually laughed out loud reassuring us no sane lawyer will take his case if he dared to try…
Here’s a timely reminder that sex workers around the world need decriminalisation, if for nothing else it’s for their right and ability to seek help from the police against rapists, con-men, stalkers, and all others with no concept of professional and personal boundaries.
We also need to say a big thank-you to the colleagues who physically come to pick me up the day it happened, sheltered me and showered me with kindness and advice… Our gratitude extends to every peer who replied to our message; you have no idea how much safer you made us feel…
There’s a big lesson learnt the hard way:
Next time, instead of directly engaging with someone in a critical condition, politely tell him to get professional help and break contact.
1) It’s not within a sex worker’s skillet to perform crisis intervention.
Sex work is work. We run a business. Would you call up your accountant or lawyer when you’re feeling depressed/suicidal?
2) Regardless of my professional qualifications, it’s a dangerous slope leading to a stalker/harasser/suicidal person whom will require tremendous time and resources to stop…
3) To simply quote a lady who played a crucial role in this case: “Not your girlfriend bro”.
There are countless gentlemen who seek our service to heal from the past – a lost relationship; a partner that passed away… a professional intimate relationship heals ONLY if the gentleman LETS it.
If the person starts to
- obsessively project/dump his own trauma on the sex worker
- excessively text (thousands of words a time)
- pick up Male Pretty Woman Syndrome (envisioning the relationship with a sex worker as some potential Shakespearean romance project)
- refuse NO/”I’m not attracted to you” for an answer
- thinks all women’s rejection = abuse
- goes into misogynistic rabbit holes like “All women burn you the same in the end”
- “It’s all your fault I’m just a nice guy”
- “You…! You…! You…! I…! I…! I…!”……
It’s not only extremely traumatising to the sex worker, it also does absolutely nothing to help the man, who’s already traumatised, broken, and chanting rants back and forth in a rocking chair… This is not the way to engage with sex workers, this is not the way to engage with ANY woman.
To gentlemen who are currently in a critical condition in need of immediate intervention:
Stay away from professional sex workers, they didn’t sign up for this.